The Underground

From the pastor who SAW me at a conference with my three kids when I was convinced I was inconspicuous... invisible even, seated all the way in the back to keep them from being disruptive. She spoke life into me, a Word that was like a life raft that carried me through the hardest times, and roughest waves that seemed to almost pull me under.

To my now big "sis"/friend who treated me and the kids to froyo the first time we met and hugged me tightly as I cried on her shoulder. She held space for me, and would take us to the LA beaches and museum and wherever just to get outside so I could free my mind and my hands from holding the baby. She helped me put something nice together for my firstborn son's birthday, and always reminded me how brave and fearless she considered me to be. And in divine timing, on many occasions was an answered prayer when I was almost convinced that I had been forgotten and forsaken.

To the overnight hotel worker who brought me blankets to sleep comfortably in the lounge when I didn't have enough money to cover a room for me and my son. And made sure we had breakfast the next morning.

To the leasing agents who have always treated me more like family than just another resident. They've rooted me on along the way, invited me to resident events before I was one, and reminding me it was all going to work out even when my application got denied the first few times. They have always humbly looked out for me without being loud about it. They brought my kids gifts for Christmas, and Thanksgiving groceries for me to be able to have a meal for the first holiday in my new home.

To the women at my book club who always made sure we got back to our room safely afterwards, and always made me and my kids feel welcomed. I never felt singled out as the only woman there with kids.

To the directors at my son's first daycare who looked out for me on childcare expenses even when I didn't have it. They gave me so much grace and compassion, and always supported me in trying to figure out my calling, letting me print and make copies, handing out my hair flyers and my event flyers to the other moms and helping me find work, and always thinking of me first when it came to blessing. My baby boy was the first of my children to ever go to daycare (because I was too chicken to send the oldest two) and I'm so grateful I did they exceeded my expectations with love and grace that sometimes felt overwhelming and undeserved.

To the young lady who saw me crying in the crosswalk as I crossed the street and convinced her mom to make a U-turn and pull over to check on me, and let me cry on her shoulder with her newborn baby girl in her arms.

To the Mother who loved on my babies and packed us up snacks and food after kids church, kindness I couldn't pay for.

To the sisters who heard me crying out to God in anguish in the middle of the night over missing my kids and pounded on the bathroom door calling my name until I opened up to comfort and pray with me, and shared their similar testimonies and encouraging words.

To the front desk employees who would extend my stay even when I didn't have it, while I prayed for miracles.

To the woman who, out of obedience to the Holy Spirit her last few hours in town, saw me and my kids in the last rows of church and just knew what to say at a time I needed it most. She blessed us with groceries, put us in a nice room and made sure I had enough to hold us down for awhile and shared her testimony going through a similar situation when she was growing up with her mom.

To the sister who would greet me with the biggest and most anointed hug! I felt love in every single embrace. She is always encouraging and so sweet.

To the bus driver who made me come to Walmart with her on her break just to surprise me with a cart full of whatever snacks and food I wanted for my baby.

To the men who defended me to the bus drivers who would insist that I couldn't get on without breaking my stroller down as I held my baby in my hands. And the many people who have helped me adjust to my new normal of catching public transportation and would help me lug that thing on and off buses, trains, planes and automobiles and multiple flights of stairs lol

To the sister in Christ who volunteered at the shelter once a month, who just so happened to be in the Walgreens on the hottest day of the year it felt when I had just prayed to God out loud and told Him I couldn't take another step in that heat, carrying all my things, and decided to stop into Walgreens to get some air, water and see if I could get the courage to ask a stranger to give me a ride the rest of the way and just so happened to recognize her at the checkout counter. (One of the many times during this journey where I found my strength and grace in weakness.)

To the sweetest shelter employees who would always go out of their way to make sure me and my son had everything we needed and were content...and to be honest SPOILED LOL!

To the queen who treated me to a mani/pedi and kept my baby content while working remotely from her laptop at the same time so I could get my nails done in peace.

To the mama who saw how badly beat up my son's stroller had gotten from overuse and surprise me to a whole brand new travel stroller set, and shared heart to heart convos with me.

To every man or woman who has prayed with me, and for me. To everyone who when they saw me, saw a sister, a daughter, a friend... Christ in me.

Who opened their hearts and in some cases their homes to my baby and me. It was really their love that kept me going and reminded me that I wasn't truly as alone as I'd often felt.

THANK YOU!

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Matthew 25:35-40

The journey isn't easy, but it's in the darkest moments when light shines the brightest. It was the times I'd felt the most hopeless that love would meet me in the form of some of these women and men or in other ways altogether and a lot of times it would almost feel coincidental. I'd imagined this might've been similar to what it was like for Harriett and so many of our ancestors escaping bondage... carried by the current and currency of Love.

Freedom... healing... wholeness is a journey worth embarking on, especially now finally getting a small taste of what was on the other side is so so sweet it was worth the tears and this is only the beginning.

Leap,

Then the net will appear.