Fake or Faith?

I really don't know how I'm still here, but I just keep going and keep going...

Fake or Faith?

26:36

I’m not particularly a fan of hearing myself cry. To be honest, it took maybe some years for me to even endure enjoy listening to the sound of my own voice or my own laugh because it kinda made me cringe. Even moreso to be sharing publicly, is something I haven’t quite wrapped my head around, and would wrestle with God daily since the day I believe He called me to do this. I’ve wanted to completely delete this blog (…and did) and every recording I ever made sometimes thinking He was trying to embarrass me or something… But as I re-listened to this recording, I heard Him so clearly, and I couldn’t resist the nudge I felt to share it. I believe that whoever you are who’s listening, He wants you to hear Him too.

“Because He loves His children,” He suffers… and he suffers long for us. As I played this back for the first time, I imagined Jesus on the cross bearing the full weight of our sins and holding on when at any moment He could’ve given up on us and His mission. But because of His enduring love, I live again. Because of his suffering, I am made whole again. [Isaiah 53:5]

I share this for God’s sons and daughters who may be going through a similar situation. I share, trusting that God has a plan far greater, because if you left it up to me I would NEVER!!!!

I suffered through many forms of domestic violence, and I’ve suffered to get out of it. I suffer almost daily, “because I love my children.” And truthfully I be feelin’ like it’s unfair or lopsided in some way. I really don’t fully understand why love it seems involves so much suffering? I truly don’t and I question it a lot.

June 7, 2024, being in the thick of it and feeling the pressure of just trying to pursue healing and a better life, made me feel like the suffering was inescapable. It made me question if I was truly leaning into faith… or just faking it altogether. The peace and joy I would experience, even in moments when life felt simultaneously painful and chaotic, made absolutely no sense to me. The journey of faith and of healing… is an uphill battle but I’m crazy enough to believe that it’s worth it.

But I know my suffering is not in vain. [2 Corinthians 4:16-18; Romans 5:3-5] He takes my broken pieces and makes it beautiful, for His glory... and mine. Thank you Jesus.

Just know that you are not alone. [Psalms 139:1-17]

Whatever it may be that you are suffering through. We cry together. [Matthew 26:36-39, Matthew 27:45-46]

Be aggressive about your armor and just keep going!

We got this! And God got us!